Thursday, October 29, 2009

Old habits are hard to break

        So I have to be completely honest, Jason and I have been struggling a little bit....ok we hit a wall in the past few weeks in our progress, but we're back on track. The truth is, when he came here and we were reunited and in the eye of the miracle we had a super strength motivation behind us. We knew there was a lot of hard work to be done and we were ready to face all of it, head on, to save our family, better ourselves, and take the leap of faith that God had called for us. 

We have accomplished SO much already.

Jason was blessed with a job about a month after we got here and had the opportunity to do some side work in the mean time. We've received the amazing opportunity to share our story through our church and through my writing to give others hope in the way God is working through us. Our family has the gift of staying with another family full of grace, encouragement, and wisdom. An amazing amount of very gracious people have helped us with monetary support, I can't tell you how thankful we are for that. We also are able to join various groups in the church, together and separately, that are a great way for us to meet other parents and married couples. These are just a few of the blessings that we have received. 
HE IS SO GOOD! 

I'm can't express how grateful I am, but it still hasn't been easy. I would be lying if I said that we haven't wanted to pack it up and go home. The fears and worries we have are overwhelming at times. It is no surprise to me that our pastor has been talking a lot about Abraham and his obedience the past few Sundays. We miss our family and friends to a point that it's painful. We miss the people that we don't have to explain our actions or feelings to because they've known us for our whole life. We are social people and not knowing many people well has been hard especially being from a small town were you know exactly who to trust and who not to. Right now God has put us in a position to be surrounded by trustworthy people and I'm so thankful for that. 

This is just a new way of living for us here, everything is different than we we're used to. And there are so many road blocks financially that it makes it hard to focus on any other issue like, I don't know, our marriage. I'm sure just a few of you can relate.

The good news with that is we had a meeting yesterday at Dave Ramsey's office because we were accepted by they're ministry program to get some coaching. (Another amazing blessing)

We really just want to find a light at the end of the tunnel,  but it's hard to see at times when it seems so far off.  And we are scared and I'm trying very, VERY hard not to be but we have never dealt with so much at once and this is really hard and a lot of transition. We have gone through many rough times, but we never faced our problems. We used to let them build up to an eruption of horrible fighting about everything that had bothered us in the last month or so. 

I am happy to say that we have realized that we both just need to dig deeper within ourselves and together and seek harder, love more and remain strong in our faith in God's plan for us. Starting over at square one is really hard, but at least we will do it right this time. Our actions and the basis of our decisions before Christ became our sole influence had everything to do with how we fell apart. We wanted to blame every thing else for our mistakes but ourselves. We'd point the finger at our childhoods, or our lack of money, or a bottle, but never at our own choices. It ironically parallels with a story that is the root of the name of this site.

One of our favorite things to do together is fishing. On a sunny, July day in the summer of 2003, Jason and I had decided to spend the afternoon fishing. After about five hours in a little roe boat we had a full stringer of pan fish that we intended on eating for dinner that night. Out of nowhere, and I mean nowhere, the sky became black and the wind kicked up, strong enough to bow the trees that surround our little fishing hole. Rain began to pour so hard we couldn't tell if the water was coming from the sky or raising from the pond. We could see nothing. We where blinded. We started to row to the shore but the wind seemed to be rushing at us to hard to get anywhere. This struggle went on for about 45 min before......

We noticed that we hadn't pulled the anchor up!  

And then the real icing on the cake was that once Tweedle Dee and I got to shore (two minutes after pulling up the anchor) the entire stringer of fish had come untied from the boat in the chaos. Soaking wet, without dinner, there was nothing else to do but stand on the edge of that pond and laugh and embrace the story that we'd have to tell. 

The catch is that there is a much deeper meaning to that story that we now embrace, but we wish hadn't taken us so long to get. We were so so busy blaming the wind and rain of the storm that we couldn't see our own selves holding us back. Thus the innocent storm.

There is no more blaming of our past, and there is no circumstance of the present that will keep us from fighting the good fight. Our eyes are as open as our arms and we own our mistakes without excuse. We are learning from our mistakes and continuing down this beautiful path that God has given us no matter how hard it gets, we'll make it.
Blessings to you,
Candice



 



 






     

41 comments:

  1. Candice,

    Thank you for sharing and for being transparent about your struggles, it's a great reminder that it's not always easy... but it's always worth it.

    I am so thankful for the families and people who are surrounding you with love, support and encouragement.

    Love the story about the boat, the anchor, and the lesson learned. Beautiful truth, beautiful wisdom.



    Prayers ongoing,

    Much love,

    JD

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  2. My in-laws gave us a little figurine of a canoe with a Native American couple paddling it. They always told us to paddle our canoe together. Your story of the fishing trip reminded me of it. Sometimes we try paddling in different directions and sometimes we struggle for control of the direction, but we realize to get anywhere we have to paddle together. Keep paddling and never give up!

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  3. Hi Candice, Thanks for your open and totally honest posts. You really are an inspiration. I can really identify with you having hit some fairly rough patches in my own marriage some time ago. Somebody gave me a book at that time called "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. I can't recommend it highly enough... Wishing you and Jason God's rich blessing.
    Shirley

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  4. Your writing gives hope to many, not the least this mama who is praying for her own child! Thanks for your honesty!

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  5. Amen! You are such a blessing & encouragement. Thanks for your realness!! You are truly bringing Him glory with your life. I am constantly reminding myself that He knows everything we need and is so faithful to provide!!

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  6. yes, Candice... you will make it. you will - even when it is hard and even when you are afraid and even when you feel completely overwhelmed. you will make it because He has a great plan for your family.

    ((hugs))

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  7. That was hilarious :) I bet you both felt like doffuses!

    But your post is so lovely, truly. I can relate so much :) Keep at it. You're doing good.

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  8. You are on an amazing journey and it is graceful of you to openly share your experiences and lessons for others to grow in their own spirituality and awareness. thank you

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  9. Hmmmmm. I LOVE the story about the anchor and the roe boat!!! Gosh. That really speaks volume. :o) It's so great when you can first RECOGNIZE things for what they are. That's seriously the first step to many great things, and working and walking through things. It is so difficult, but as you have said, you have been so blessed to be surrounded by so many awesome people, and to get plugged in. :o) Don't let the enemy come in and destroy how far you have gotten, because he can't! It's layers to the onion, don't get discouraged. One of my fav. quotes is, if I haven't already said it, "The healing of the wound, may hurt just as much as what caused it." Sometimes our healing really does hurt. It hurts to feel those wounds again, but the healing that the Lord brings, seriously leaves such a beautiful scar. Healing is better than slap-it-on band aids. You're doing awesome C! Don't let the enemy tell you otherwise...

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  10. Wow. What a great story you had regarding trials that are thrown in front of you. Keep pushing forward. I pray for you and your family that you find the strength to keep moving forward.

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  11. I love your posts and you write so well. You are an insipiration to us all who are struggling in our life not matter how big or small the problems are. Keep up the good work!
    love your sister in christ!
    Amy A.

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  12. Candace,
    Hang in there and you will make it. You have God and a lot of amazing people on your side too. Dave Ramsey is the best! If you give it a chance it will work. We have been using his advice for 3 years and we are debt free except our home and we are going to try to pay that off before the end of the year. The clue is "baby steps" even in everyday situations! God Bless you both as you keep "pulling up the anchors" and moving forward!

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  13. You're doing great! Even when it feels like you have hit a "roadblock" you are actually still making progress because you REALIZE that it is a roadblock and you CHOOSE to push through it--not to avoid it, fight over it, or run away from it. You get through it, together, and THAT is still progress!

    Another note--this post was like a little mini sermon...I don't know if you realize it, but you minister to a lot of people when you write! You are talented.

    Blessings and prayers!

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  14. I found your blog through Angie's. I too share a lot of your story. God has done amazing things in my life and He used the ministry of Celebrate Recovery. I know that Long Hollow Baptist Church north of Nashville has a wonderful Celebrate Recovery ministry (been there for training once). I pray that you and your hubby will continue on in the healing you are finding as individuals and then be healthy people to work on your marriage.

    Thanks for being transparent and sharing your story! It will touch many lives!

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  15. Blessings to you Sweet Candace...keep "fighting" the good fight....it is all so worth it! Hugs to you and yours! :)

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  16. Just finally had a chance to catch up on your story today....glad to see you guys are still hanging in there! Loved the story about the anchor - it rang true in my life, too!

    Have a wonderful day!

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  17. Hey girl! I wanted to stop by and say we miss you guys a lot too. I'm amazed by the 2 of you and how far you have come. Keep up the good work.

    I don't know if you've had the chance to check out my blog (only have one posted so far) but I have so much in my head I don't know where to start.

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  18. I appreciate the way you share how hard it is. Still praying for you...I love the way you write and you have so much to offer those who are also struggling...keep on keeping on.

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  19. Still praying for you Candice! You haven't updated in a while...hope you are doing ok!
    Vicki

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  20. Candice - you have been such a blessing. I am praying that you are ok since you haven't updated in a while - on the blog or twitter. Please let us know!
    We all love you!!
    Lauren

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  21. praying for you today. Trusting that the loving Father is caring for you all, meeting your every need, holding you firmly in His powerful and tender embrace.

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  22. I hope you are doing okay. I heard you moved back to Michigan. I live in Michigan too. If you need someone local to encourage you. Look me up on my Family Tree of Two blog (the Soapchick one is private). Best wishes and God Bless you.

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  23. Hoping that the move went well for your family. Praying that the Lord will lift you up and bring you great things.

    Prayers from Texas

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  24. Candice, I too, like Soapchick, am in Michigan. If you just need a friend here to encourage, listen, get together to just hang out (not sure exactly where in Michigan you are....I am in Holly), please feel free to contact me through my blog 'nines and 'quines, www.ninesandquines.typepad.com. Maybe we should start a Michigan bloggers group!!!

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  25. Haven't seen an update in... a long time. Hope you're doing ok!

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  26. Hope you and your family are doing well! Haven't seen any updates! Be encouraged, keep doing what you know to do. Trust God, He is always there whether we feel Him or not.

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  27. Hi,

    I check your blog often...I hope that you and your family are doing okay.

    Praying for you.

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  28. Came to your blog through Angie's. This big, wide, virtual community out here is praying for you. Some of the rest of us don't have 'picture perfect' pasts, either... but our LORD is so, so gracious. He is the Great Physician, Healer, and Father. Hope to hear updates soon. May the blessings and hope you are searching for are still finding their way into your lap. Much love.

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  29. I came to you from Syd's blog. I appreciate how you struggle to find inspiring yet honest things to say. I wish you well.

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  30. I read about you on Angie's blog, and so I looked your blog up... I'm praying for you all!!! the Lord will give you every bit of strength you will ever need!!!

    Emily W.

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  31. Love the story about the boat, the anchor, and the lesson learned. Beautiful truth, beautiful wisdom.


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  32. How are things now? Are you in Michigan? Still praying!

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  33. We all wish you would update! No matter what has happened, those who pray will pray with you through the good and bad!

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  34. Miss hearing from you!

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  35. Count me in too! I miss hearing from you as well - I hope all is going great with your family!

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  36. Praying all is well with you and your family.....we miss hearing from you....

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  37. I like to appreciate for those families and people who are surrounding you with love, support and encouragement.

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  38. Well, You are on an amazing journey and it is graceful of you, to openly share your experiences as well as lessons for others to grow in their own spirituality and awareness.

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  39. Just makes me feel grateful for what I have.

    Thank you, above it all, for sharing.

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