Never the less, everything about the house seemed to be exactly what we wanted, two blocks out of town and within walking distance to work, in a quiet, kid friendly neighborhood. The house had a new furnace, it had been rewired, had a new water heater and been partially remodeled. Jason needed to be in walking distance because until two weeks ago, he has never had a driver's license. Not because he had one and lost it, but because he never wanted one. We also wanted a house that required some work we could do ourselves to make it our own. One thing that I also loved about it was that the yard was empty, not one flower. It was like a blank page to an artist for me to create and nurture a color scheme to my liking. I LOVE to garden. And so began, what I thought was going to be the beginning of the rest of our lives in this home, my nest. On December 4th of that year, we celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary, amongst all the rest of the excitement, and that anniversary is the last one out of four that we've "celebrated".
I viewed the purchase of our house as living the dream, more than just a shelter. A place to invite friends and family, the foundation of our lives and memories of the growth of our family would be built in the walls 530 Jackson Court. Jason felt that way too to some extent, I think the stress of the mortgage payment and the freedom of owner ship went hand in hand for him. We hosted the family Christmas party for the first time that year. A lot of our things were still in boxes and the walls were still bare but as friends and family all gathered in our home, at our table, eating the meal for a army that I happily prepared all day, I my heart exploded with joy. It was a dream come true that most girls have, husband, wife, children, new life growing within me and out.
I had spent the spring and the first part of summer waddling around my new template planting flowers with Savannah at my side, plunging our hands in dirt that was ours and nourishing carefully placed, colorful life that I thought we would watch grow together for years. Evenings that Jason and I were both home were spent mulching and painting the garage together and then we'd built a fire to enjoy with each other and friends.
In June our car had taken a sudden dump and we bought a van. We knew that it was going to be tight to try and swing another payment on top of the mortgage with only having around $1500 a month to work with during the winter months. (money is seasonal in our part of Michigan, there is more to be made in the summer months than winter, even in the restaurant business) Against Jason's wishes we bought the van adding another $10,000 to our debt. That's when things really started to take a turn.
God blessed us with Madelynn Joy Hamilton on July 17, 2007. Up to this point Jason's drinking had stayed minimal compared to other seasons of his life. Winter that year hit us like a hammer financially and when I went back to work from maternity leave this time, I took all opposite shifts from him so we never needed sitters to save money. We never saw each other, and when we did, we usually spent our time fighting sometimes all night. One day I sat and thought about it and the way our schedule worked, we had 16 whole days off together a year. The further apart we wondered from each other the less we depended on each other and eventually depended of other things....none of which geared toward Christ. We made for an easy target for Satan and we let him have his nasty way for the rest of our time residing in our house together and a part.
Our home became a battle field for Jason and I and a playground for the devil. My prayer right now that as the house goes in to auction at the end of the month, that I may keep every memory of the blessings that God gave us through the storm and be at peace with taunting, painful memories of our sins. I am no longer a victim, Jason is no longer an addict and that is not going to be our house anymore.
It's a little scary because the foreclosure will put the nail in the coffin that we really can't go back even if we wanted too. I was feeling a little home sick yesterday, every now and then I get a little lonely or just miss going out and digging a hole in my yard because I can. I miss my family and my friends, (Chris, Amy and Sara I love you and miss the heck out of you chicks!) Usually when I feel this way, I turn to God or when I need prayer and really can't get it together, Angie because I know they will be there. Yesterday I went out on a limb, and conveyed my feelings to Jason and even allowed a few tears to fall. He listened and he comforted me when I needed it. For every piece of our past life good or bad that we are loosing, it seems that a blessing is bestowed. It's called pruning. Thank you Jesus. Many blessings to you and thank you for your continued prayers!