Thursday, September 24, 2009

In my Fathers Arms

I cannot express my appreciation towards everyone that has taken the time to read about my family and spent moments out of your day to send gracious words of encouragement. I have read every comment to date, so April #403, I promise I found time to read your words. It's never easy to hear of other women's struggles and pain, but to be reminded that I'm not the only one who has ever had deep feelings of guilt, shame and/or fear and prevailed makes one feel not so alone and even stronger. Thank you so much for all of your prayers, they are being heard and answered everyday.

I have to remind myself and Jason often that even on days when we feel like we're not getting anywhere, we accomplish a lot just by being still. On days that seem so unproductive because we are starting completely over and facing the all the hard issues we never addressed before, it's just the little things that need recognition. Today we were married, today our daughters were with both of their parents, today was one more day of sobriety, today we prayed together. Thank you Lord for today.

I am getting a second chance at much more than my marriage. I live in a house that is not my own, I eat food that I did not buy, and sleep in a bed that is not my own. How ironic it is that I am in such a vulnerable, fragile state and yet finally being taken care of and loved so well. The words father, dad, or daddy prior to my love story triggered feelings of sadness, pain and defensiveness. At times, I feel like a little girl speaking to her father with delight, thankful for beautiful day she had with him when I pray. God has placed me in a position where I can gain trust, where I am safe, dangling my feet and twirling my hair as sit with him and speak adoringly and freely without fear or rejection.

He is so attentive with our needs and provides at every time of great need. At night he sweetly kisses away all of my any of my worries or fears as I seek his word in scripture, and I sleep peacefully. I am safe, I am protected, I am guided, I am growing, and I am loved by my Father, my Abba. Like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, my sobs have subsided, I shutter, and blink back my tears through a mantle of wet lashes and smile with joy as God harvests his fruit in me and my family.

I'd love to get connected and with anyone who needs a prayer or just wants to talk, feel free to email me!
Here are some pictures to smile about!

We LOVE flowers!!!

Savannah, looking every bit as sweet as she really is.

Chocolate, anyone?

Savannah drew this picture a few nights ago and it touched all of our hearts. From left to right it's Madelynn (with fuzzy hair if you look closely), Savannah, Me (with a green hat) Jason, Abby, Angie, Ellie, Todd, and Kate.



  1. No fancy words from our corner...

    Just a simple...


    Trina and Jophie

  2. Your words are so many things. I have so many things to say, yet I am in my own personal place of challenge. I do not want to take away from what this is to you and yet it is is amazing and inspiring to me the same. Maybe growing together is the best way to put it. I have been looking forward to this next post for you with a lot of admiration and hope. I am filled with hope. thank you :)

  3. your children are precious and so is your story. Thanks for sharing all that God is doing in your life!

  4. That picture Savannah drew... oh my. How precious.

    I'm so glad you're resting in your Abba's arms... it's the safest and best place to be :)

  5. The transformation you and your family are under is utterly amazing and I pray that God continues to reveal himself to you. You have learned so much and will continue to. I have been through some life altering experiences as well, one of which led me through a 12 step program for co-dependency 10 years ago. God is amazing and thank you for sharing your life with us.

  6. Praying for you guys still! God is the ultimate healer. God bless you and your family. I believe that you are in great hands.

  7. When I read your words I am excited for you and I know that you are going to a higher place. Those of us acquainted with this type of sorrow want to LEAP up and SHOUT for you because TRULY you are in a blessed place. For me, when I went into recovery as an Adult Child of Alcoholics I could not have known where my journey would take me, but OH, THE PLACES of sheer splendidness I have found, and you are finding. I am encouraged to read your journey!

  8. i am so happy that you are in such a better place....i think of you every day and hope for you every day that things are just one step closer to being all better....i received your note last night - i am so happy we could help in a time of need....

  9. i read your story last week when angie posted about you having your own blog. just wanted to let you know i prayed over those words, for you and your husband, and your sweet girls.

    glad for an update.
    the pictures are precious!

  10. Your story is inspiring and your heart warms my heart as i read your words. God is so loving. I can hear Him through your testimony. Love and hugs and lots of prayer and praise are coming from my lips for your family!


  11. That last photo brought tears to my eyes. What a sweet picture of the body of Christ. We are like one big family. I love seeing the Body care for one another. Blessings!!!

  12. I continue to pray for you and your family and so GLAD that things are looking up!!!


  13. God is faithful. I'm so happy to hear your testimony in action.

  14. Isn't our God awesome! and what a wonderful picture of your "new" family!

  15. Your post has blessed me so much... Our God is so good, so faithful, so very very big!

  16. I am sitting here overwhelmed as you shared your story and God's grace. He is SO good. Praise Him for the restoration ofyour family, and the change in the lives of your young children because of your trust in Him. I will be praying for you and following your story...

  17. What beautiful little ladies you have there! Love the picture Savannah drew! :)

  18. Hey Candice - I love this post! You are so right - the love of our Heavenly Father is so sweet and tender and perfect! It is so sufficient! I love the picture of your new family - it's a treasure for sure.

    Have a blessed day.

  19. Your story is so powerful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing it.

    This post is truly beautiful.

  20. Candice, you are growing so strong day by day. Stay in the word of God, use it as your sword to combat what Satan may throw at you. You have such a beautiful, sweet family. your girls are just gorgeous! Praying for you!

  21. So enjoyed your post today Sweet Candice. I love, love, love the picture that Savannah drew of your "whole" family!!! Hugs to you through your journey! :)

  22. AWESOME. Just awesome! Thank you for being so open and honest!! I think that's why so many people love Angie's blog....openness and complete honesty. Your story will bless more people than you will possibly know this side of heaven!!

    So thrilled that you are one of the few women that is taking advantage of a second chance with her marriage! Way to go!!! I truly believe that God will bless you and your marriage beyond what you could possibly "....ask for or imagine"!!

    I will be praying for you and your sweet family!!

  23. You and your family are simply beautiful! I'm enjoying getting to know your through your words. Keep clinging to His hands....HUGS!!!

  24. So sorry for your loss! Praying for your sweet family!

  25. Candice
    Thanks for the update. Remember to take things "one day at a time". God is walking with you each step of the way and although the journey will continue to be filled with hills and valleys - He is blessing your faithfulness! I have not sent that CD yet...but it is coming. We have had our own frustrations this week and I just didn't get it copied...but you have been on my heart just the same and I won't forget about you! :)
    By the the song that plays on your site.I haven't heard that before but I love the words!!
    I will be in touch soon I promise!
    Hugs and blessings,

  26. Thank you. Thank you for the encouraging update and the great pictures, as well as deciding to share your story in the first place. In large part because of reading your testimony, I attended my first Al-Anon meeting this past week, and I have hope that I'll find encouragement and support there to survive my marriage.


  27. Bravo, Sarah! My best wishes to you! The first al-anon meeting that I attended was life changing! I learned so much and felt so comfortable because you realize that you are not alone in the feelings that come along with having an addic in your life. In addition to that, I became aware of what an enabler I was. Not just to my husband, but with a few friends and relatives as well. I now that if you keep going, no matter what happens in your marriage, you will become surrounded with a rock solid network of people to support you! Best wishes to you and you'll be in my prayers!

  28. God Bless you and your family. Keep fighting the good fight! I lift you in prayer!

  29. I love how Todd's bald :) Art imitating life and all that ;)

    Big hugs, precious girl. Look forward to getting to know you. :)

  30. Candice, Don't let the twitter issue worry you. It's interesting to see how Satan tries to get us down isn't it. Too bad he's a loser! HA Keep your head up always.

  31. Keep it Up C!! Your journey, even the dark steps in the past, are still positive in certain ways. I think it's wonderful what you're doing, how well you're doing, and how much your family is growing in faith and love.

    Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was any sort of marriage--

    Sorry to hear about your twitter--that happened to me and it was soo frustrating!!

  32. You are a joy. The sweet joy and simplicity of your words and the love you are feeling is so completely awesome. You are an inspiration. I pray God will continue to use you and your words to bless others.

  33. I am glad everything is working out and I love the drawning that says it all and shows how God works

  34. What a wonderful story. I can feel God's presence in your lives and am lifted up by your words. You are an amazing writer. I can tell it is from your heart. My prayers are with your family.

  35. Your in good hands, your in loving hands, your in HIS hands. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. May God's tender mercies continue to keep you on HIS path.

    Love you,

  36. your words are really ringing true for me too, and I wanted to thank you for the reminder... my husband and I are together after a short seperation, and your appreciation for "just today" gave me chills. How easy it is to expect so much of ourselves; today is good, today is enough. I will be a little more present in the day, so thank you!

  37. Praise God for second chances (and third, and fourth, and fifth)! Thanks for sharing your story. God bless you all.

  38. Candice, you are a beautiful person. I am blessed to have found your blog.

    God bless

  39. Thanks for sharing your story with us. You are truly blessed to have Todd and Angie. I am praising God that you and your husband are walking the long road to restoring your marriage.

    God bless you!
    Julie D.

  40. I found your site from Kim's Xanga site. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your story. What an incredible story of God's grace, love, and faithfulness! Beautiful picture that your daughter drew. :)

  41. it is so amazing when you can see God's hand at work. His hand is ALWAYS working...but when our human minds can see it like this...well it is so profound. then again, His love is profound in EVERY way. i look forward to seeing your story continue to unfold. i am sure that there will be moments, as you said...that are still...and that is when you are to be still and know that He is God...and then there are profound moments when things will overflow...your cup will overflow. it is overflowing. rest in that. God is embracing you. He created you and knew your story before you walked it...therefore He holds the victory that you will continue to find. God bless you on your journey and may He strengthen you each and every day. you and your husbands. and may your children recognize the LOVE and grow up in abundance of that love and "pay it forward" if you will.
    know that you are thought of and you are loved. and your story is so very encouraging. God is good. ALWAYS.

  42. Candice, your words bring comfort and peace.
    I'm reminded of this verse:
    You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Gen 50:19

    Isn't that so good? What the enemy planned to harm you and tear your family apart God is now using to impact others and bring glory to His name.
    Jesus is so beautiful and so is your story.
    Thank you for letting us in.
    Thank you for letting Jesus love you.

    I'm excited to read more of what God is going to do. We serve a great God!
    You are dearly loved.

  43. I am so blessed by your words and what God is doing in your life.... You are touching more people then you could ever think or imagine!! He loves you, don't ever lose sight of that!! :)

  44. You know that comment you made to me about you not being able to write well...we are going to have to talk about that. Candice...this was beautifully, beautifully written. I LOVE to write and I could not have written any better description than you just have a real gift my friend...and I stand in awe as God is using what He has given you.
    How are things? Tell Angie that our grocery store was out of pumpkin the other day. I went back last night and there were three cans. I totally bought all of them ;-)
    Miss you...rpaying for you...and so proud of you!

  45. So glad that you have those things in your life that are fulfilling. God is doing for each of us what we could not do for ourselves.

  46. wow... I love the way you write. The Bible talks about becoming as a little child and I hear in your words... the heart and spirit of a child. One who is seeing her Heavenly Father in a whole new and magical light! I SO look forward to hearing more from you!


  47. Rooting for you. Thanks for sharing your story. Love the Josh Wilson music on here. You and yours are in my prayers. Stay strong!

  48. Your children are lovely...and so is your *new* heart..praying for you...

  49. Hi C,

    Your girls are beautiful and I'm so glad that things are falling into place for you by the grace of God. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to meet you on Sunday. My son came home from school on Thurs. sick. I would love to meet you if the chance ever arises. I'm not very far away. I'm praying for you as well.


  50. I have read your blog over and over....sitting here thinking how??? How could our lives be so similar. My husband and I seperated in June. We have two kiddos ages 6 and 9.. I have been a stay at home mom the entire time. About 7 years ago, my husband started using drugs. We went to therapy for 5 years, he has been in and out of treatment, NA, therapy...but nothing has worked. I have been going to Alanon for a while now and know that until he is ready to stop nothing I say or do will change that.

    I have been trying to go to church and turn to God..but at this point I am beyond angry at God...if he knows everything that will happen in my life and has it planned out...why did this have to happen?? I am just so tired of waking up to what I call groundhog day...samething over and over again..

    Sorry to just blurt everything out....but reading your posts gives me hope...a hope that I have not found until last week. If you are able to pick yourself up, move forward and work on your marriage...then maybe somehow so can I.

  51. Man -- that post coupled with that song is so touching!! I am in tears! Bless you sweetheart!


  52. Thank you for sharing Candice. You and your family are in my prayers. It is so great to hear how God is healing your marriage, you and your husband. I am excited to see what God does in the next chapter. :-) God bless your little family.

  53. What a beautiful family portrait you shared. I continue to pray for your family as well as thanking our wonderful Savior for Todd & Angie being such an integral part of your lives now.
    Praying for continued strength and peace of mind, today and every day,
    Matthew 21:22
    Psalm 46:10
    Isaiah 41:10

  54. There is such a difference between the first post and this one. There is peace, joy, beauty and hope flowing out of your words. The transformation has begun! It's hard to be still and let God do His prefect work sometimes, isn't it? Thank you for sharing your story. I think it will resonate with many women on many different levels. For me it certainly has.

    The Spirit of Lord just spoke "beauty for ashes" to me to share with you and it comes from Isaiah 61, verse 1-3:

    1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
    because the LORD has anointed me
    to preach good news to the poor.
    He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
    2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
    to comfort all who mourn,

    3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
    to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
    the oil of gladness
    instead of mourning,
    and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
    They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the LORD
    for the display of his splendor.

    I will be praying for you! God bless you and Todd & Angie for their obedience to God's plan for your life!



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